Tawakulling revisited – the way out

Previously, on Single Green Muslim…

I was struggling with trying to graduate in time to make it to the graduation ceremony.  The deadline for when I needed to have my clinic hours done (the ONLY thing I had left to do) was approaching and I was utilizing all the avenues to try and get clients to fill those hours, to no avail.  Former clients couldn’t make their follow-ups for various reasons, new clients had to cancel for one reason or another and other potential clients were not becoming clients.  I had done EVERYTHING the marketing coach told us to do and still was coming up short.  It was a challenging time for me, especially, as I previously discussed, I didn’t know how it would end and I had so much emotional investment in wanting to graduate that I was distressed about how it WOULD end.

It always amazes me how Allah speaks to us every day, without us even picking up the Quran.  Have you ever come upon a verse or saying on facebook or on someone’s gmail status that was EXACTLY what you needed to be told and to hear?  Well, that happened to me quite a bit during this particular time and one of the verses that was “revealed” to me was:

وَمَنْ يَتَّقِ اللَّهَ يَجْعَلْ لَهُ مَخْرَجًا( 2    وَ رْزُقْهُ مِنْ حَيْثُ لَا يَحْتَسِبُ وَمَنْ يَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللَّهِ فَهُوَ حَسْبُهُ إِنَّ اللَّهَ بَلِغُ أَمْرِهِ قَدْ جَعَلَ اللَّهُ لِكُلِّ شَيْءٍ قَدْرً   (3  …
And whosoever fears Allâh and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). (2) And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allâh, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allâh will accomplish his purpose. Indeed Allâh has set a measure for all things.(3)

This is from the chapter entitled Divorce, #65. And it was exactly what I needed to hear/see.  I thought about all the times I had needed something very badly, going through a hardship and somehow, some way there was a way out that I hadn’t even thought of. When I was looking for an apartment when before moving here, I had advertised in the Muslim newspaper, looked in it every week, asked a Muslim well-known in the community to look out for me….  I had wanted to rent out from Muslims  and was finding nothing suitable for me.  I went through craigslist and had found some possible leads, but they were all dead-ends for one reason or another.  I looked at apartment complexes and they were all very expensive for what they were offering, and I really wanted a washer and dryer in my place.  Finally, I came upon one ad in craigslist that sounded promising.  It included a washer and dryer, was in a good location for commuting to school and being by the masjid (mosque) and had a separate entrance.  My mother and I drove down to see it and although I had some minor qualms about it, it looked like exactly what I needed. And, it was being rented out by a Muslim!  A few weeks later I came with my father to sign the lease.  Looking back, I know I never could have imagined such a place.  Even my friends wonder how I found it. It’s totally separate, unattached to the house of my landlord/lady (but right next door so it’s not isolated). I have a washer and dryer, my own kitchen, it’s in a safe neighborhood and it’s a convenient location for commuting to various parts of the state.  I have a post office and supermarket within walking distance so I can get some purposeful walking in.  MashaAllah, all praise be to God, he made a way out for me in a way I could never have imagined.

And the same happened with my graduation dilemma.  One day, a classmate chatted with me and asked me about clinic.  When I told her it was going ok and how many I had left, she quickly signed up to be my client.  She also e-mailed colleagues asking them to help me finish by being my client (once we finished clinic we were able to see each other).  One other person signed up through that e-mail.  I also spoke with my advisor about it because I was afraid I wouldn’t make the deadline.  She went with me to ask for a one-week extension (which I got) and encouraged me to ask the first year class to come see me in clinic.  I was hesitant, and I cried when I told her how I was feeling very bad about the situation as it was, given that others had been able to finish without asking for help.  One of the first year students heard me and came up to me to tell me to do it for them, because one day they will be in the same shoes.  After some internal dialogue, I did it (thankfully without crying, which was my biggest fear) and had at least four or five students volunteer without hesitation. Times didn’t work out for many of them, but one did see me.  I was inspired from these events to put my pride aside and e-mail people I knew and ask them for help.  One of my classmates volunteered to bring in her daughter to come see me.  Before I knew it, I had more than enough people “on the books”, so that I even had back-ups for in case a client couldn’t show up…SubhanAllah!  In the end, I made it by the extended deadline.  And, in fact, I found out later that I actually made it before this deadline and finished with two extra consultations!

It was one of the most challenging times for me and I found my way out (by Allah’s will) was my asking for and accepting help, which was/is apparently very difficult for me.  I like to be independent and not need anyone for anything so as to not be a burden on anyone.  I try to be self-sufficient and do things on my own so that no one has to be bothered.  I like to help others whenever I can but don’t willingly accept help from others.  This was a lesson in humility; we can’t be self-sufficient, at least not all the time.  We all need something from someone at sometime. And that’s OK.

Now, as I face another challenge, I reflect back on this time and those verses, believing God’s promise that He will make a way out for me.  And I can try and think of how in the world that’s going to happen but in reality I don’t need to, because it’ll be in a way I never imagined.